Tuesday, May 8, 2012

10%

We are the 10%.  According to my doctor 10% of infertility problems are due to inexplicable reasons.

After months of hesitation, John and I went to the doctor to figure out why we haven't been able to conceive.  People always ask us why we waited close to 2 years to check, and I really don't have an answer to that.  We just assumed if God wanted it to happen, it would have happened, right? Maybe a little afraid to find out the results? Or maybe it's because Kaiser makes you jump through burning hoops of fire to see an infertility doctor?!  Just straight up laziness on my part, I guess.  All joking aside, we are excited and content with foster/adoption so we didn't really find the need to go.  But with the 2 year mark approaching I was just so curious, I had to go!

So, after 12 vials of blood drawn, an ultrasound, HSG, $$$, and several other doctor consultation visits, the doctor figured out there is nothing medically stopping us from conceiving.  According to the doctor, John's soldiers are great too! I joke with John all the time that my uterus is where his swimmers go to die! But nope, the doctor said everything is fine!

HSG test was my least favorite! 

A lovely shot of my uterus and fallopian tubes!  I know, it just looks like a blob.

So we are the 10%.

The doctor suggested that we go ahead with IUI also known as artificial insemination.  An appointment was made ... but we cancelled.  We decided to try for a while longer, the old fashioned, natural way! After a few more months, we will reconsider the IUI.

With Mother's Day approaching, I want to go back on that decision and go to the doctor, like ASAP! To be honest I am a tad bit sad. Sad that I am not able to celebrate Mother's Day as a mom yet. Last year, I was super duper sad so I guess I can say it's getting easier.  But I am reminded of a blog post by John Piper's wife, Noel Piper, appropriately titled "When Mother's day isn't a celebration". I was so encouraged from the first two words, "God knows..."

In my dream world, the Park house would be bustling with noise from kids, adopted and biological.  But in God's perfect plan, that is not what He has called for us at this time.  So until then, we will continue to hold on to the hope that is in Christ, seeing that this time is a gift from God, and pray that God hears our cries and allows for me to celebrate Mother's Day as a mom, some day.

17 comments:

  1. i know it's not the same, but let's make an auntie linda day!!! you know we love you parks a whole lot! though what your going through isn't fun, God will use this post to encourage others. stay normal bff!!!

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  2. In His time... whether they are yours biologically or yours through adoption, you will be celebrated as a mom! I believe!!! :) "God knows"... is SO perfect! You are an inspiration to me and so many others- thanks for being vulnerable and sharing. I have some friends who will benefit deeply from this post!

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  3. i too, cannot wait for you to be an umma. you are going to be amazeballs. <3 you, friend.

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  4. Hi Linda. I came over her via Ruby's blog. Have the doctors suggested you go a more conservative route first? Like try clomid or clomid with progesterone supplements before doing IUI? My cousin had the same issue w/unexplained infertility after trying naturally for about 2 years, and her first round of clomid she got pregnant. If your doc wants to be aggressive, then clomid with IUI is usually the first route, but they tend not to be that aggressive right away unless you are over 35 OR if you have a known fertility issue. My BFF (who was 34 at the time) wanted to be aggressive after not getting pregnant for a year and a half and went straight to IUI with clomid. She didn't get pregnant her first round, but second round they did clomid and IUI with progesterone, and that worked and she has a cutie patootie 6 month old now.
    Anyway, just some thoughts to throw out there! I know infertility is quite the battle as I have many friends and family that have experienced it. I hope that by next year you get to be celebrated during mothers day.

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    1. Hi Anne,
      My doctor did talk to me about clomid so that's another option for us, but my hubz and I are probably going to try a few more months before we go ahead with anything.... probably during my summer break when I have more time to research and I have less stress!

      Thanks for your kind words and encouragement!

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  5. Hi, I'm a regular reader of your friend Ruby's blog, and found your blog through hers, though I've never commented on either! My husband and I tried for 5 1/2 years to have children, and were finally blessed with our little girl this past February. Anyway, I was in your situation - everything was fine, but we just couldn't conceive for the longest time. And I know it's not always easy to hear...but how blessed we are to have a Sovereign God! He will take care of His children and do things in His time, not in ours (as I have to remind myself SO often!). And don't give up hope!

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    1. Praise God, Emily!

      Patiently waiting for 5 1/2 years! Your lil girl is a lil miracle!

      I will not give up! :) Thanks!!!!

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  6. the hongs love the parks. we are praying for you guys. God is working out something crazy awesome!! we are just waiting for it :) LOVE YOU MISS YOU!

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  7. I can absolutely relate to your feelings. After 9 years of waiting/praying/crying and everything else I feel more surrendered to God's plan. It's still not easy waiting but I trust that his plans are to prosper and not to harm...Enjoy this quiet time in your lives before it gets louder than you thought : )

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  8. hi linda,

    i found your blog via ruby's-- which i found through jane.. lol. anyway, i know it's hard.. my hubs and i have been married for 3 years-- we had two pregnancies which resulted in 2 miscarriages so i can understand the frustration, pain, and sadness that comes from being childless. did you ever watch this one video from desiring God's ministry about the story of ian and larissa? (http://vimeo.com/38033654 ) it brought me to tears.. because i was so convicted of how my focus is so off... it's easy to get down on ourselves and compare or wish or desire-- but trust that God is good, he has blessed you tremendously already and be thankful. his blessings will come in his timing and in his own way. and it will blow your mind away because he is just that kind of God. :) i hope you will take courage dear sister and be encouraged-- know that you are not alone. good luck with the end of your school year (i'm a first grade teacher too!) take care~!
    -sally

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  9. I rarely comment on blogs but I feel compelled to share. I'm sorry about your news but am praising God you both are medically healthy and normal. That's a blessing. I've been reading Angela Hardison's blog for years and she chronicled her difficulty conceiving . Have you heard of the plant-based diet? My sister is on it to prepare her body for a baby, which she - like you - is praying for. I'm a believer in God's wonderful healing powers through a diet rich in fresh fruits, veggies, and nuts ... the garden of Eden diet. If you haven't considered this route, I highly suggest it, not to just resync your body back to God's original plan, but also to renergize your mind, body, and spirit. I pray God will give you this desire of your heart.

    Best, Jennifer

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  10. continually praying for you guys! you're not alone! i lift you up in my prayers each time i remember you..

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